Is it over yet?

So today started out good. I went to buy the paint for my room, i finally decided on a colour. Its called magic moment, its purple, wow i really hope it looks good, well no turning back now. Then of course my day was going to good, so obviously something had to go wrong. My mom and i got into this huge fight, i don't even know what we fight about anymore, we just do. I think it started because we went to go get my report card and as usual they weren't good enough for her. I don't get where she gets off telling me that its not good enough, one of her daughters is a pot head and hasn't finished the 11th grade yet. So she has no right to think that my grades aren't good enough, I'm going to school still and I'm trying my hardest here, and to top all my good efforts off, I'm not out there smoking weed, now am I! It's so ridiculous for her too actually expect me to be this straight A fucking student, when i have to deal with all this other shit happening around me. Like high school drama isn't enough, my family has to go and make it extremely hard for anyone to accomplish anything!

So i screamed at her a bit, told her to shut up called her a bitch, and then she called me a slut in front of every shopper in the entire loeb grocery store which was nice. Oh but don't worry i called her a slut too, even though its not technically true, and maybe i could've come up with something a little more cruel, but ididnt have time for that.

My day couldnt get any worse, so i went and met san,maleeha, and missy at the mall which made my day better, they always do. We stayed in the mall and shopped a bit and ate of course. Then me and maleeha took the bus home, god dont ask me why i decided to come home i have no idea myself. Although, when i got here it wasnt to bad, my nightmare of a mother was sleeping, thats the only time i feel love for her. So i watched a movie, what i do best, i watched drillbit taylor and it wasnt that good.

oh how i miss fiana, shes all the way in texas!
It's one of those days where i would love to call her. She tells me what i want to here, well most of the time, sometimes its nicer to call maleeha, and then other times san. I dunno maybe i would just call them all.

Please someone wake me up when summer is over!!!

Families for nothing.

I laid in bed as the phone rang at midnight.You answered it with such an angered voice, i swore it was who i thought it was. Only she, would dare to call that late, but maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Everytime that phone rings you know your heart sinks a little too. Who knows maybe one of these nights it wont be her, maybe one of these nights it will be that dreaded call you know will come.

You sit there and stare at me as if i have all the answers, but really you just want someone else to take control for once. What you dont understand is, I am just a teenager, and yes you can talk to me, but dont try to make it seem like i have to solve your problems.

She thinks she owns you, she stomps all over you, and the sad thing is you let her. It doesnt have to be that way, you could take back your life. What shes doing to herself is sickening, i know that, but who knows maybe she'll realize that soon. Maybe she'll understand how extremely heartbreaking this is for everyone around her to watch.

I wonder what goes through her mind as she grabs her next joint and lights it up. Is she thinking about us at all. I know you dont want to accept the fact that she is out there smoking, but the shocking reality is just that. I confront you sometimes and tell you what shes out there objecting herself to, but you look at me with such dought in your mind, doughting that i would actually know what shes doing. What you dont want to believe is I am the only one she still talks to. Even though i get mad at her and dont speak to her, you have to understand that its because shes my everything, without her i would be nothing. Its rather twisted to say seeing as shes nothing herself. She doesnt realize that without her here, so many other things are effected.

She thinks her world has to revolve around, her boyfriend, who's a highschool drop out that smokes weed everyday and sits at home doing nothing. I guess we're similar in that way, we both fall for the bad guys. She was already pretty bad before him, but when she started to hangout more and more with him she jsut got worse. Who knew she could even get worse. It's so much easier to blame our problems on someone else, but it doesnt make them go away, and it doesnt make anything any better, you still have a problem dont you.

I love you, and i love her, but when you both start screaming at eachother, no body can handle that! How do you expect a 15 year old girl to handle it. I dont think you understand that this whole thing is also hard on me. I feel bad that you have to put up with her like this, but dont you feel bad for me at all. I'm losing my sister and you choose to turn the other way. She looks to me for everything, she confides in me with all the things she gets caught up in, and she expects me to just sit there taking it all in like its nothing. It's something! Whats worse is she tells me not to tell anyone, so when you ask me to tell you, its just because all she has left is my trust, how can i ruin that.

You are my mother, but she is my sister after all.

We can make it!

So i woke up this morning and ate breakfast with my mom and dad, again no sister, but thats nothing knew. She hasnt been home in a week, god knows what she does when shes over at her boyfriends house. She keeps telling my mom shes coming home, then when its like 11 at night she decides she wants to stay just one more night, which obviously turns into 5 days.

Oh well, after breakfast i felt like a fat cow so i went down stairs to run on the tred mill for 30 minutes, which turned into 20 minutes cuz i got to lazy and wanted to take a shower really bad. At like 3 i went over to maleehas, obviously, where else would i go, haha. We were going to see a moie, we went to see Get Smart, it was so funny. Also very enjoyable becuase we bought a borrito to take into the movie with us, because thats just how we are.

After the movie we realized we just missed the bus, and it wasnt coming for another 37 minutes, so we were sitting there. Then we got very annoyed by these to weird guys that were talking way to loud, so we got up and started walking. As we walked we were joking around and said we should walk home and were really joking but then we looked at eachother and were just like you wanna do it? :P So as u you can imagine, we began walking from the mall to maleehas, which is in avalon. It takes like 15 minutes to drive, but it literally took us an hour to walk it, and we were going pretty fast. We almost died!

Fun moo&moo day!

All for something in the end;

What an interesting day, followed by a very nice night. My day was very fun, i spent it with maleeha, san, and ryan gaterell, and then fiana came later on in the afternoon. We spent half the time being extremely lazy and the other half baking a cake, then brownies, and rice crispy squares. Then we ate some of it, not all of it because it started to make us feel very sick. That was all fun and we all talked and just hung out for a while and then we all went home at like 8:30.

When i got home my mom kept mentioning to me that there was a light show happening on parliment hill at 10:30, but i told her that it was late and it would use up alot of gas to drive down there. So, we just decided to go for a walk around avalon, which was surprisingly exciting. As we were finishing up our walk i saw this path and i remembered that the path led back to our street, so we take it right :P and as we're starting to walk down it, it looks really dark and scary, so my mom turns to me and says, ok lets take it who cares. We get on it and im holding her arm and i stop, I'm like, "omg theres a..." and i paused for 3 secodns and my mommy gets really scared you know thinking theres like a rapist or something, but no i kept talking and i was like, " theres a rabbit!!" my mom almost killed me, she got so mad becasue she jumped and almost tripped :D haha

Finally we made it home and we were still really awake and we wanted to do something, so after all of that we decided to go down town and see the light show. Now to understand what I'm about to tell you, you have to understand that my mother is the funniest lady you could ever meet. So, we were almost to parliment when she realizes we're merging on to the bridge that takes you over to Quebec!! It was so funny, she see's the bridge and she's like, "Holy Shit!! look at what I'm doing, omg whats happening, we're stuck, we'll never get back!!" This is all happening with me pissing myself laughing in the seet beside her. OH dont worry it gets worse. We got over the bridge and there was one exit but we missed that, so then we take the next one thats going towards friggin montreal, oh so funny. At this point my mom is sitting straight up in her seet about to scream and cry, and I'm seriously about to pee now, i was laughing so hard!! She had no idea where we were and then we were stuck going god knows where. Finally we stop at this gas station after taking another wrong turn. Right before she goes in to the scetchy looking gas station i keep trying to tell her that this is quebec they all speek french and nothing else. She goes in, and then I lock the doors very quickly because theres some scary looking bald guy standing right beside my door! Then i see her coming back out like 2 minutes later and she gets in the car, oh but it was so funny. She gets in and i say right away, " so was he french?" and she looks at me with this stunned look on her face and says, " no.... he was chinese" :P hahaha funniest moment ever, because you know, you really dont expect it to be some chinese guy.

Finally we make it back to parliment and to top off our night we park in some ilegal place where your only suppose to park if you work in parliment, which oblviously we dont, and only because we really wanted to catch the rest of the light show. Thats just one other thing my mom loves to do, break the law ocasionally :P It was deffinetly worth it though, the light show was incredible and so cool to watch. I really think our adventure was worth it just to see the light show, lame i know. You have to know my mom, anything stupid is fun when you do it with her.

So all in all, funnest day yet this summer!

Wow, thanks.

Thats great, you let me down, but then again i never expected anything more from you. You are never gonna change are you...

You will never change.

Dont get the wrong idea, i am so over you!

I can be your friend, please let me be your friend. I need to be your friend in order to let you go, i atleast need to know your still there. I dont want you like that any more, and i realize that now. Thats all in the past now, and i still expect to have you every now and then in my future. You can forget me and i wont mind because i expect that from you. Your a disappointment but for some reason i still want you there. We will stay in touch and at times I'l feel like crying because your not exactly there anymore but what can i do, thats how you are, right.

All of thats over, and we're planning to start over as friends, i wonder if we can actually pull this friendship off. Will i be able to look at you and see a friend and not a heartbreak waiting to happen? we'll have to wait and see i guess.

If you ever come on msn we will plan our first day as friends together, but I dont know why i bother to depend on you? god. Your different, your truely a little out of control, you go out and get drunk and then do drugs on top of all of that? i never know when your being real with me or whether your just to stoned to know what your saying. What ever as i like to say life goes on, if your not there its still gonna go on isnt it :)

Even if your not there tomorrow i will enjoy myself because i'll be with my love maleeha and my hot ass lover Ryan gaterell. They will love me even if you dont, which im fine with.

Today was also fun becasue me, fiana, maleeha, and san had lunch at the mall and t was very good. I had a boritto( is that how you spell it, probably not) it was so yummy, i love those things!

ok well i'll write about tomorrow, no matter how it turns out :)

Forgetable,

Um, so canada day, pretty fun, kinda fucked up but thats alright, arent we all a little messed up in our own ways. Most of it was fun Me, fiana, San, Maleeha, Zoe, Justin, and Alex went down town and walked around doing nothing for a while then we got bubble tea, greatest stuff ever. Then we bussed back to petrie for the fire works, and that was pretty fun considering there was a fair there and me and san had the craziest time on the rides :P We obviosly had a lot more fun because some of us were drinking, which I've decided is ok only when someone is looking after me. Other then that, if I'm drunk i should be locked in a basement, or a closet somewhere, i swear.

Pretty fun day though, atleast now I know that no matter what, my three lovers, maleeha san and fiana, will always be there for me no matter what i put them through. Last night was a very good test of that incredible bond we have. If it wasnt for them I'd probably be in some dark alley somewhere. I love how no matter what, i have them there, and all i have to do to earn there forgiveness is pay for the cab ride home, and i still swear guys i was running :P haha

When we got home was when the real fun started. Even though san and maleeha had summer school like in literally 5 hours, we stayed up talking and stuff and it was just another frisky four sleep over, and those are always crazy fun.

Some of my night could have been avoidable, but then again it is me we're talking about here.

Just another night your forced to remember i guess.