Took eighteen years to get this far,

In the last week I have gone from a sixteen year old girl to being a full grown adult, and the reason is indescribable. My life has been turned upside down and shaken a little. Just when I think everything is going in the right direction I find myself in the middle of problem that aren't even mine, but get put on my shoulders anyways.

Being a teenager should be simple. Party's, school, friends, and other mindless things. In my world that isn't the case. Family issues, drug problems, abusive relationships, and a lot of other messed up things, that's my life in a snap shot. Growing up you don't imagine the future being like this. I know that when people are going through hard times, they tell themselves, "there is always someone going through the same thing". It's not like that in my case. There is no one who knows what this feels like. Little problems separately by themselves, yes, but not everything put together.

It's funny how everything is all conjoined together. You never think of these things. When you're growing up playing and laughing together, you never stop and think, what is the future going to bring? But when you hit a certain age that's all you can think of. As teenagers growing in to adults we constantly want to know what the future holds for us and the people aroud us. We want to know, but then again, I think we're all scared to know. We like feeling the satisfaction of knowing what the next day will bring, but I don't think anyone would be able to handle knowing what will happen everyday. It would help, but it would be the most terrifying thing. You would always be waiting.

One day I hope everything makes sense. I hope that one day she explains everything to me. The reasons behind what she has been doing. Nothing makes sense right now, but I still have hope.

Oh, I just don't know where to begin

I usually never say this, but I am extremely proud of myself. I have just begun to work hard and finish everything I want to, which is good and bad in a sence. It's good because I slesyd knew I could I just never did. It's bad because school is almost over, and it's to bad this new part of me didn't come out sooner.

I am done my Drivers ed class, I am done my Co-op summative, also done a Co-op assignment, close to finishing an english essay and assignment. Everythings falling into place. Now that I've buckled down and commited to my work everything seems so easy. I rarely tell myself that I'm doing a good job, but for once in my life I am so so pround of everything that I'm doing. I can feel myself growing up, being more commited. I'm going to finish off the school year with great marks, and when next year starts I'm going to remember how good this felt. I'm just beginning though because during the summer I'm volunteering at CHEO again and it is going to be amazing. Something about being at CHEO and working with the people there makes me feel like I've finally found something I'm good at. I'm more confident now then ever about my choices for the future.

It's funny how just being around great people can have such an impact on your life. So yeah today fiana and I had our last day of drivers ed, it was the longest day ever. But we're both really glad its over and done with.

19 days until I leave for my cruise! Mediterranean cruise! Also It's going to be great because my dad is meeting us in rome to go on the crusie with us. He is so excited to be getting away from all the work in Afghanistan. We've started to pack already because my mom also has to bring clothes for my dad because he wasn't allowed to take any clothes with him just his uniform. I'm crossing my fingers in hopes that my sister can make it through 2 weeks with us. It's putting my mom and me under alot of stress because we don't know if she's going to have one of her outburst while we're on the ship or not. There are places on the ship designated for smoking, so that makes it a little better. The last vacation we brought her on she ended up wanting to go home before we even made it to where we were going. So everyone please cross your fingers for me.