sixteen years, and still moving.

You know how adults always tell us to enjoy our childhoods, and don't grow up to fast. I think they are so extremely right. I was sitting here and thinking how I will be a senior next year. That's the scariest thing I could ever think of. It hasn't fully registered yet. I am going into my last year of high school. Next year around this time I will be getting ready to hopefully start my next journey into university. I will no longer have those for protective walls to hold me up.

I don't know if anyone else is in the same boat as I am, but personally I have never truly thought about my future. Sure I've thought about what I want to be and how I'm going to get there. What I failed to think about is what happens after. Yes I tell myself I want to get married and have kids, but what about after that. You have to raise them, take care of bills, mortgages, pay taxes, and everything else. Oh and make sure your marriage doesn't fall apart. No one ever tells you exactly how hard its going to be.

Does everyone know the movie, A Blast From The Past? I am going to do exactly what he did, I am going to go underground and never come back up. As exciting as people make the future sound, they never tell you the other side of it. Yes there is obviously some perks to being an adult, but they are nothing compared to the hard parts. As teenagers what most of us are thinking is, " I want to make it to 21 so I can legally drink." What we don't think about is once we make it to 21 we also have to pay our own bills, buy our own food, and make sure we don't end up on the streets.

We all talk about our futures, and our goals. I don't want to be the barer of bad news, but the average adult doesn't live out any of his/her dreams. It's insanely nerve racking to think about how one day it will all be on us. No more parent, no more teachers, no more taking the easy way out. There is no other way, you just move forward. It doesn't matter if it looks a little rocky up ahead, we still have to make our way towards the hardest parts. There is no turning around and saying its to hard, or changing our minds. Forward, that's all there is.

I'm in the middle without any plans,

I’m faced with a bit of a problem. Don’t you hate it when something happens, and you have no control over it. That’s my problem. Three years have gone by since I met a certain person in my life, and in the past couple of weeks my feeling for this person have changed. Not for the better, I don’t think.

I’ll give you all a few details. It’s a guy, my age, and we’ve been great friends for about two years. I wouldn’t call us best friends, but I would be heartbroken if our friendship ended. He has always been fun to be with, and always great to talk to. He’s my advice-giving guy. He’s helped me through a lot of boy issues. Now the tables have turned. Currently I’m helping him through girl issues. He’s in a relationship, but doesn’t know if the relationship will last, or for how long. We’ve been spending more time together, and we’re getting closer as friends.

Now I’ll tell you about my problem. He loves his girlfriend very much, and wants things to work. My issue is that I have the smallest crush on him. Obviously I’m not going to act on it. I am not a home wrecker. My goal is not to split them up. My goal is to keep quiet. Even if he were to break-up with his girlfriend, I would never want to be his rebound girl. Also another issue is that, even if he didn’t have a girlfriend, I don’t think I would want to ruin a great friendship. So, I’m going to put it at the back of my mind and pretend it never existed.

On to another topic now. Summer is going fine I suppose. I haven’t been going out much but that’s the way I like it for the most part. My mom is going away for 5 days leaving me in charge of the house. Most teenagers would be thinking to themselves, “yeah!! Time for a party.” But I am not thinking that. I’m not that type of teenager, and even if I was there are certain things that are stopping me from doing so. The number one reason is my less responsible, and unreliable older sister. I don’t have time to have a party because I’m going to be watching her 24/7. Make sure she doesn’t burn the house down, make sure she doesn’t have her boyfriend sleep over, make sure she doesn’t leave the door unlocked, and make sure she doesn’t have a party. She would do all these things without even thinking.

Now, I’m not the world’s most perfect daughter. I am going to break a rule or two. I am going to have one or two people over, and maybe drink the vodka that’s in my room. But I will be careful with what I do. Oh yeah and this is going to be the first time I stay home alone. So I don’t know if I’ll be to scared to do so. I have a back up just in case. If I can’t sleep I’m pretty sure my nice wonderful best friend Maleeha will take me in, right Maleeha :)
Ok that’s all for now.

"All of us go, or no one goes."

These are words I've heard all my life. I have been punished by these words. Everytime that I've gotten my hopes up about something, and then my sister decides she'd rather go out and get high I'm the one that suffers for it. After she decides she's going to ruin everyones day, my parents decide instead of making my day decent they'd rather ruin the whole thing and mope all day. There are many examples that I could go through, but to say all of them it would take to long. It happens all the time, it happens so often that now when my sister says she's not going I just automatically forget about it.

Apart of me always wants to forgive her, but this time it's so much bigger then that. When this last happened I told her I would never speak to her the same way ever again. I yet to have a full conversation with my sister, and in this weird way it feels better. She doesn't deserve my forgiveness, she doesn't deserve anything. "She doesn't deserve anything" I wish my mom would understand that. The things my sister has done are undescribable, but still she gets everything. She is given a new cell phone when she wants it, she is given money to go out, she is taken shopping whenever, and she stays out till all hours in the night. I hardly do anything anymore. I stay home so my mom isn't lonely, I have stopped shopping all the time to save more money, and I put aside my own priorities.

I do amazing at school, I volunteer all the time, and I clean everything around the house. I never get recognized for any of that. My sister is home schooled because she is to messed up to go sit in a class room. She was suppose to graduate this year but instead she just finished grade 11, and still my parents are so proud of her.

I hate her.