Its ok you can go, I won't be mad.

The show Greys Anatomy is incredibly moving in so many ways!
The actors are amazing, and the scenarios they play out are so touching because they actually do happen in real life. Not to the glamorous extent of the show, but they do happen.

Tonight's episode was truly the best one yet. As i was watching it I just kept running through my head so many different things. I started thinking about my own life and how I'm dealing with it, then I thought about how I would react if I was in some of the situations they get them selves in. And then I started thinking of how my life is going to play out, because to be honest I don't picture myself in the future. I cant imagine what my life's going to be like. I try really hard to think up what its going to be like in 5 years and I cant do it.

A month ago I thought i wanted to be a psychologist but recently i changed my mind and decided it wasn't for me. Now I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do after High school. Its scary not knowing. It feels like I'll run out of time and the next year and half will go by to quick and I'll be stuck trying to make a decision. Then I'll end up making one that I don't really want. I hate that feeling, when you get a pain in your stomach that feels like the world is pressing down on it. Its like this sinking feeling when you cant breath. I get it a lot, usually when something major hits me really fast. I got it when I was starting high school. I got it when i drank alcohol for the first time. I got it when I took my first exam. I got it when my dad told me he was going to Afghanistan. And now I have it because a television show made me think of my future.

I think of all these things and then I just want them all to disapear, life isn't simple. Everyone says they want a simpler life, but i dont think anyone really means it. I know I dont, life would be boring without all the difficult things along the way. We all suffer and we all say we hate it, and you do, you hate that exact moment. There are a ton of moments that i hated, but there done and over with, but in the future there will be more, and maybe I'll suffer a little more to. I hope that my life does play out good, even though i cant imagine it.

Also tonight me and maleeha reached a new level in our friendship. As we were both watching the end of Grey's we called eachother and were both crying our eyes out because the show had touched us more then any other show. It was a touching moment as we both sat half crying half laughing on the phone to eachtoher. To know that I have a friend that I can go from crying to laughing with is a nice feeling. Thank you hunny<3>