Every day disasters.

I don't know what to think. We've been friends for so long, and we've known eachother for 11 years how could you have not told me something like this. Your dad is sick and you couldnt talk to me about it. We use to talk about everything. Our worries, our hardships, and our happy times. Why can't you talk to me anymore?

You barely look me in the face these days. You have seen me at my worst, you know me better then most. I can't believe that I had to hear this from two of my friends, and not from you yourself. You're going through a really hard time and I wish that you would come to me and trust me to be your friend and trust me to help you.

I hope that you don't go down the wrong path because of this. I can already see you drifting. I know what that wrong path can do to people and you are way to good for that. I want to do everything I can to make sure that doesnt happen.

I know you, and this isn't you.

In my wildest dreams,

I never thought this could happen to me.

Have someone be so sweet and thoughtful.

He's amazing.

He came to my house while I was out with my mom

and with my sisters help he set this up on my bed.

It was amazing I came home and walked in my room,

and there it all was!

I just wish that I could be just as amazing.

I feel like I dont deserve him.

I'm always worrying that I'm doing something wrong.

It's driving me insane, every second I'm always thinking

about what he's thinking,

or what he thinks of me.

I notice every little thing.

I notice when he's acting just a little different

or if he's being to quiet,

or even if he's giving me a look.

How do I get past this!

When am I finally gonna be happy with myself.

Here’s my hand and my heart, It’s yours to take.

With all my life issues at the moment, I need this more then anything.
Valentines Day is coming and it's my first Valentines Day where I'm actually with someone. Every other valentines day I've been one of those angry bitter people that hates everyone else for being all happy and in love, but this year I've switched sides. I can't wait for it to get here. I want it to be special because it is after all my first valentines day, and first real relationship.

Me and Said are going out to dinner, then back to my house. He's getting me something, and I'm really excited because he got me really good presents on Christmas and I kinda knew what they were, so this time I'm twice as excited because I have no idea what its going to be.

This whole thing with said is going better then I ever expected. He's more then just my boyfriend. He's the person I go to when I'm upset, mad or nervous. He calms me down when ever I'm over exaggerating. He takes the time to talk to me and listen to my concerns. He moves at my pace and never acts like a jerk. When I'm with him it feels like nothing can go wrong. I just love being with him, and how he always makes me feel important. I know that sounds corny but its true.

I know alot of people look at Said and don't think much of him (which pisses me off more then anything!!!), but I look at him and see everything I ever wanted. He likes all the same things i do, we have no problem talking, which is huge for me because I usually have a really difficult time talking to guys. He makes me laugh and also can be serious when I need him to be. He just understands me so well and thats all I ever wanted. What we have is really strong because even before I realized I liked him he was there. When ever i needed to talk to anyone he was always there. We started talking almost two years ago and ever since then he's been my arm to lean on. His friendship meant everything to me, and now this relationship means so much.

Nine moths I'll never get back.

I've never been so lonely, it's like when he left he took half my heart to Afghanistan with him. Nine months is way to long to be apart from the one guy in my life that has never ever let me fall. I can't even put into words how much this is hurting me. I've lost something and it's hurting more then I've ever hurt before.

He's actually gone. I keep repeating that to myself every few minutes just because I need to keep reminding myself that he's not right downstairs. For the first time in my life he's not there to hold me in his arms and tell me everythings going to be ok. He was the person I went to for stuff like this. If I was broken inside he'd know just what to do to fix it.

I have this urge to run downstairs and check if he's there. Every night before I go to bed I go down stairs just to get a hug from him to know I'm safe and it's ok to go to sleep.

I just realized what I lost. The safe feeling I took for granted. I want to feel safe again.

Please come home safe.