Wow, thanks.

Thats great, you let me down, but then again i never expected anything more from you. You are never gonna change are you...

You will never change.

Dont get the wrong idea, i am so over you!

I can be your friend, please let me be your friend. I need to be your friend in order to let you go, i atleast need to know your still there. I dont want you like that any more, and i realize that now. Thats all in the past now, and i still expect to have you every now and then in my future. You can forget me and i wont mind because i expect that from you. Your a disappointment but for some reason i still want you there. We will stay in touch and at times I'l feel like crying because your not exactly there anymore but what can i do, thats how you are, right.

All of thats over, and we're planning to start over as friends, i wonder if we can actually pull this friendship off. Will i be able to look at you and see a friend and not a heartbreak waiting to happen? we'll have to wait and see i guess.

If you ever come on msn we will plan our first day as friends together, but I dont know why i bother to depend on you? god. Your different, your truely a little out of control, you go out and get drunk and then do drugs on top of all of that? i never know when your being real with me or whether your just to stoned to know what your saying. What ever as i like to say life goes on, if your not there its still gonna go on isnt it :)

Even if your not there tomorrow i will enjoy myself because i'll be with my love maleeha and my hot ass lover Ryan gaterell. They will love me even if you dont, which im fine with.

Today was also fun becasue me, fiana, maleeha, and san had lunch at the mall and t was very good. I had a boritto( is that how you spell it, probably not) it was so yummy, i love those things!

ok well i'll write about tomorrow, no matter how it turns out :)

Forgetable,

Um, so canada day, pretty fun, kinda fucked up but thats alright, arent we all a little messed up in our own ways. Most of it was fun Me, fiana, San, Maleeha, Zoe, Justin, and Alex went down town and walked around doing nothing for a while then we got bubble tea, greatest stuff ever. Then we bussed back to petrie for the fire works, and that was pretty fun considering there was a fair there and me and san had the craziest time on the rides :P We obviosly had a lot more fun because some of us were drinking, which I've decided is ok only when someone is looking after me. Other then that, if I'm drunk i should be locked in a basement, or a closet somewhere, i swear.

Pretty fun day though, atleast now I know that no matter what, my three lovers, maleeha san and fiana, will always be there for me no matter what i put them through. Last night was a very good test of that incredible bond we have. If it wasnt for them I'd probably be in some dark alley somewhere. I love how no matter what, i have them there, and all i have to do to earn there forgiveness is pay for the cab ride home, and i still swear guys i was running :P haha

When we got home was when the real fun started. Even though san and maleeha had summer school like in literally 5 hours, we stayed up talking and stuff and it was just another frisky four sleep over, and those are always crazy fun.

Some of my night could have been avoidable, but then again it is me we're talking about here.

Just another night your forced to remember i guess.

Oh well, life is life after all.

I'm sitting here watching, what i think is one of the best movies I've seen, A walk to Remember. It's such an amazingly ordinary movie, and that's what makes it good. Theres nothing fantastically different about it, but its so entertaining to watch. It's a very sad movie though.

I love watching a movie and then crying over how you feel when you watch a movie like this, i know weird. Then again we all have to admit we love a good cry every once in a while. Its better to be able to cry at a problem you see in a movie or on TV, because its not your problem you have to worry about.

I'm sitting here balling my eyes out and it feels great because for once its not because of something stupid in my own life. I love this movie.

"do you love me?"
"mhmm"
"will you do something for me?"
"mhmm"
"will you marry me?"

ooh best part in the whole movie :)

Oh well life is life after all. We all get over it and move on. I personally think we all need to get over ourselves in order to actually be able to live and more so live in each others lives. I mean how are you suppose to open up and have someone be there with you if you close yourself off and think that you are better off alone. It's obvious that you not better off alone, everyone needs someone.

I think people should go out and be prepared to get hurt, yes I'm cynical so what! I believe if you go out thinking you'l be hurt and your very much ready for it, then when it does happen then your like, oh well i saw that coming. I like to do this, its my new way of looking at the world. Yes i realize that it will still hurt somewhat, but atleast you saw it coming and it didnt take you by surprise. I know, your thinking stupid idea, but what ever, i like the sound of it, and until it fails me i'l stick to it.

Me, fiana, San, and maleeha did this crazy funny thing yesterday, where we let go of some stuff. Thats really all i cn tell you about our "thing" we did. It was nice though, and helpful i think. We all jsut let go of certain bad incidence that have occured. I personally had just a few big ones that had been bothering me, things like bad relaitions and such, bu that is all behind me now and I feel releived. We'll just have to wait and see if our "thing" worked. I really hope it did, i'd rather not replay the last couple of years.

oh well tomorrows coming and yesterdays gone :)

decisions, decisions, decisions!

I'm painting my room soon, but i cant decide what colour i want. First i wanted a red right and i was dead set on read, so we went to buy it but the guy said it was gonna be really hard because you need a primer and then three cotes of paint, which my mom wasnt about to do. So then i decided, maybe a really bright purple would look nice because i have a white comfitter. Then i kept looking at all the colours, and then i got really confused, so i just grabbed a bunch of colours. I now have a decision to make, and i hate making decision, especially ones you cant really just up and change after.

Change isn't a bad thing, I just dont like having to decide on the change. To make the decision is very troubling and a real problem if your like me and take forever to make one little decision. I hate that, how it takes forever and then once you do decide on something, you have to really think and then during all that thinking you end up changing your mind. It sucks. What ever, I'll end up making a decision sooner or later, most likely later.

yes, so today should be fun, I'm going over to maleehas along with fiana and san, we're having a frisky four night of fun. For the four of us that means doing ridiculous things and acting like five year-olds :) which is always exciting. Before that me, fiana, and maleeha are going to the library so we can be bigger losers then before. We're going there around 4 and then we're all going over to maleehas and 7-ish. I'm more excited for what we're going to eat because Mrs. Ghani is cooking for us, and her cooking is amazing! Also tonight is going to be the first sleep over of the summer, which is big because knowing me and maleeha and how i practically lived at her hosue last summer, there will be many more sleep overs.

Maleeha and fiana also have some really weird thing planned, but i think we're suppose to keep it a secret so I'l find out first if if I'm aloud to tell the world about it. Even with all our weird-ness this should be a very good night. Then again it always is when it's the four of us.

I'l tell all about it probably in my next blog :)

Just another day,

I'm not forgetting you I'm just choosing to let you go.

I hate when your waiting for something to change and just waiting and waiting and the one thing that you want so bad you just cant get it to reach your expectations. I know, maybe its not right to have expectations for someone or something that you know are just going to disappoint you in the end. Well thats over and done with and that one person that i was always disappointed with is no longer going to be a factor in my life :) I decided this because i figured all he will ever be to me is a huge disappointment.

Yes well, on a more up beat note, I spent a lovely day being fat and lazy with maleeha and fiana today :) My day started off with a doctors appointment which was very ackward and uncalled for, but anyway. Then after that i came home to a house that was not actually my house at the moment, it had been taken over by my pot head of a sister and her discusting greasy dirty boyfriend! Well i couldnt take that, so after spazzing out at my mother for allowing this trash in my house she had the nerve to tell me she had to go and do some things. So i could not take this so then i told her very loudly that i was going to maleehas. Then she tells me she has to leave right now, so i decided that the stupid bitch could leave and i didnt care, and then i ended up walking the 10 minutes to maleehas which wasnt so bad.

My day only got better from there though. When i got to maleehas she was in bed so i sat there till she decided to get up and move for the first time in two day s, haha. Once she did get up we went down stairs and decided to order food, not with permission though, miss ghani had told maleeha before i got there that we werent alowed to order food :) we still did obviously. Then of course you can never order food without fiana because she is as most know the king of eating, yes the king. So we called her and she came over and after waiting anciously for our 35 dollars worth of pizza pizza, we ate and ate and ate some more. Then finally we couldnt force ourselves to eat anymore, and right at our exploding moment Chitra, maleehas sister, and my one true love ;) comes walking through the door to save us from ourselves. She ate some then when finally most of it was gone me and Chitra had to dispose of the evidence, but how we did that little crime is a secret :P wel from everyone else but some random guy that saw us do it.

After eating we started watching a really dumb movie called Mama's boy, stupidest choice ever. We watched it p until there was like 10 minutes left then decided to turn it off before we got so bored we killed ourselves. We then proceeded up stairs where we laid dead on maleehas bed talking on the phone with san for like 2 hours, which is not a long time seeing as we do this all the time.

Oh just another day as the Frisky Four.

Fun night at Taylor's!

We started off kinda bad though because we got lost trying to find her house, which wasnt surprising seeing as my mother was driving and it was only me, maleeha, and fiana in the car.

None the less we eventually got there, and obviously started eating right away, but vegetables so it wasnt to bad, haha. Then we went down to the pool and after a while of just having our feet in the water, we got in and had a little to much fun with these things that skwirted water out of them, so much fun.

Also maleeha and fiana didnt really know how to swim so we tryed teaching them, and maleeha caught on really fast and was swimming like a little fishy all over the place, but i cant really say the same for fiana, she kinda had some trouble with the whole moving around factor. She couldnt stay floating long enought o actually get going which was quite funny to watch.

After swimming was over we sat and had delicious chocolate cake. oh how i love my chocolate. and then we went for a lovely but very intence walk. It was only intence because of two things, one because maleeha slipped and hit her tail bone which was very scary because she's my little brownie and my heart literally stopped for the minute she was on the ground. Second reason it was an intence walk was because on our way back it got really dark out and it was qhite heart stopping as well :P

All in all a very fun night with the girls.