Why do you still bother me?

After all this time I should be over you, I shouldn't even give you the time of day. But somehow every time you say Hi to me on msn its like my world collapsed all because you decided it should. God, I hate how you control my every move, how you get to decide when we start and when we end.

You weren't even that great!
You never talked about what was important. You always told me that I stare to much. You never held my hand. You would always say the wrong thing. And you never kept your promises. For you it was like i only existed when you thought the timing was in your best interest. I hated you for all those things.

On the other hand,
you were the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. You always used to hug me when ever you felt like it. And you'd always touch me on the nose when I was being to shy. And you would send shivers through me when you would bite my bottom lip so amazingly.

It doesn't matter how long ago that was, you still torture me to this day. Just as I'm starting to forget you, you pop back up and my heart sinks. I'll just be sitting here in peace then you decide you need to ruin that before I get to happy. So you say hi so innocently, not knowing what your doing. And then BAM! i crash back down to your level so you can start all over again, acting as if you didnt rip my heart out.

I guess we all wish that one heartache would go away, but then if it did who would be there to bring us back to reality when things start to get to good.

Atleast I'll look good :P

So, i finally decided that maybe i should start writing in my blog again seeing as how school is starting and we all know I'm going to have alot to write about then.

End of summer always gets me thinking about how the year is gonna play out. I think about who i'm gonna hangout with, how my classes are going to be, how many times i plan to get drunk, and whos gonna piss me off the most. Those are all questions that usually dont get answered in the first week, but do eventually get answered.

There are ups and downs, there were more downs last year then ups, hopefully this year will be different. I'm only looking forward to the second day because for me the first day is always a blur. I just walk around like a zombie hoping no one will pay to much attention to me, and hopefully i make it through the day with no regrets.

There are some good parts about school. You get to go out and buy new clothes and actually have a reason for it. Also i get to go and get my hair done which is always a good thing. Oh, and you get to see the people you missed over the summer but theres a down side to that one, you also get to see all the people you spent all summer not wanting to see.

Everythings exciting though, and you start to enjoy it more and more as the year goes on because you feel more comfortable.

The greatest thing about going back to school is that you never have to be home with your family. Thats the one thing that makes me jump out of bed everyday and hurry to get to school.

Oh well.

...

I cant think of anything to write.

You are my heartbreak.

i never really wrote a poem before this, hope you like it :S

My friendship you grabbed

My heart you yanked

You told me you wanted me

So i gave with no thought

You took me like nothing

like just another one

Wasn't I different

Couldn't I be yours

Wouldn't you be mine

You never thought twice

I never saw it coming

Before I knew it was gone

I lost you again

Before i even had you

It was like every time

You lifted me up

And threw me down

I was your everything

Then I was nothing.

-meaghan-

I'l admit I'm scared.

I still have to go and buy all my new stuff.
I have to get supplies and clothes, and get my hair done. I cant believe summers almost over, I'm gonna die, i hate getting ready to go back to school.

All school is, is going there everyday trying to impress people that honestly couldnt care less about who you are. Most of the people there give you no choice, you just have to be a part of it. I cant lie, I take part in all the classic shit that goes on in highschool. I'm not gonna be one of those people that hates highschool for what it does to you, I personally wouldnt be me if it wasnt for highschool. Some people might say thats bad but whatever, I'm happy with what its done to me. Some people might think that I'm stuck up and very shallow, and i admit when it comes to certain things and certain people, I'm gonna be the bigest bitch you've ever met, and I'm proud of it.

Highschools bad and good in some ways. So I'll deal with it for another two years and then get out and forget about all of it.

It's fuckin scary though, honestly. Highschool kills.

La Ronde!!

Funnest day this summer.
Going to La ronde with alyssa, wow such an adventure.
First we started off by being late because the car wouldnt start for tehm and then they finally came to pick me up. Then when we got there it was so fun we got on about 5 rides before lunch, and then we ate. Haha, but then it started to rain, and we made the best of it, we danced in the rain for a bit and changed obviously because we were soaked :P Then we lined up for another ride and it tok so long, and then it started to rain super hard so the rides got shut down, and we sat there waiting for a long time, and finally we decided to leave and go eat somewhere.

So we started to drive home, and we were almost to Ottawa when we see this sketchy little diner in hte middle of no where, and we stop :P We go in and its the nastiest looking place ever, but we stay anyways. We get our food and by this point were already pissing ourselves laughing over how ridiculous this place is.

So we get our food and alyssa looks down and theres a huge black hair on he pickle on hte side of her plate, haha so she tells the lady and the lady looks quickly at all of us, and then snatches the pickle up raelly fast, not the whole plate, just hte pickle and walks off like nothing happened. So then we spend the rest of the time eating the non hairy food we got, and laughing our asses off over how discusting this place is.

Oh god it was so funny. Finally we got home and we realized how ridiculously unlucky our whole day was :P but still crazy fun.

We're going back soon :P

<3

What is wrong with me!

I chickened out!
Can you believe that?! I was so close to going out with a really nice guy and me being the stupid fag that i am, texted him and said i didnt feel like hanging out today!

I did feel like hanging out but then my boring dull shy self took over and all of a sudden didnt want to anymore. How gay am I right. Wow, someone give me some advice, please??

I wanna go barry my self alive, that would probably feel much better then this right now. How do people do it, how do they just have the confidence to talk to anyone or say anything! Seriously maleehas right i have issues, like major weird fucked up issues. I'm making it harder then it should be!

Ughhhhh, wow i wanna know what its like to be confident, then maybe I'd be able to do it more.

Life friggin sucks.

PS. oh yeah chitra you can be my man :P love you hunny<3

PPS. someone come shoot me.