When everything else fails, do nothing.

I've been thinking a lot lately. As we get closer and closer to our last year of high school I can't help but think whats the point. When I was younger I moved from Ottawa to Texas, and I didn't keep in touch with my friends here. Then when two years was up and it was time to move back I left all my friends I had made in Texas. Once again, I came back here and didn't keep in touch with anyone there. I loved them all, they were never fake friendships, but I think to myself, maybe that's just how I am. Maybe that's how I will always be.

Its my nature, I make close friends, because lets face it no one can make it through anything without friends. But I only branch out as much as I need to. I love my friends, all of them, I'm not trying to say that there's no point in having friends because there is. All I'm saying is when everything is over next year, I'm so afraid I will go back to my way of doing things.

As I was helping my mom rake the lawn and paint the deck today, I was in my own little world, and I loved it. I love when I can do something and not think of anything else. It feels like freedom from everything that holds me down. In my world people don't judge, people don't have standards, and people aren't jealous. Then I finished painting and I was back. Back to this world of having to please.

I'm not a stuck up person, I don't mean to be bitchy. I don't know why people can't understand that. I think it's why I choose to alienate myself. I think it's easier to let people think what they want, then spend all my time trying to change their minds. We all know that's impossible. Once someone gets an idea in their heads about someone else, it's pretty much unchangeable. I am not anti-social. When it comes to people I like I am more then happy to be social. But I am not going to waste all my time talking and being nice to people who already hate me, whats the point in that?

I am just trying to make it through the last year. I have bigger problems outside of school to deal with. I think its stupid to waste all my time trying to please the people inside those four walls. When next year is over a huge weight will be lifted.

Through the next year I want to have fun, I will go out, I will be nice, and I will keep the friends I have now, I love them, nothing will change that. I love all of them.

There is always an ending.