Atleast I'll look good :P

So, i finally decided that maybe i should start writing in my blog again seeing as how school is starting and we all know I'm going to have alot to write about then.

End of summer always gets me thinking about how the year is gonna play out. I think about who i'm gonna hangout with, how my classes are going to be, how many times i plan to get drunk, and whos gonna piss me off the most. Those are all questions that usually dont get answered in the first week, but do eventually get answered.

There are ups and downs, there were more downs last year then ups, hopefully this year will be different. I'm only looking forward to the second day because for me the first day is always a blur. I just walk around like a zombie hoping no one will pay to much attention to me, and hopefully i make it through the day with no regrets.

There are some good parts about school. You get to go out and buy new clothes and actually have a reason for it. Also i get to go and get my hair done which is always a good thing. Oh, and you get to see the people you missed over the summer but theres a down side to that one, you also get to see all the people you spent all summer not wanting to see.

Everythings exciting though, and you start to enjoy it more and more as the year goes on because you feel more comfortable.

The greatest thing about going back to school is that you never have to be home with your family. Thats the one thing that makes me jump out of bed everyday and hurry to get to school.

Oh well.

...

I cant think of anything to write.

You are my heartbreak.

i never really wrote a poem before this, hope you like it :S

My friendship you grabbed

My heart you yanked

You told me you wanted me

So i gave with no thought

You took me like nothing

like just another one

Wasn't I different

Couldn't I be yours

Wouldn't you be mine

You never thought twice

I never saw it coming

Before I knew it was gone

I lost you again

Before i even had you

It was like every time

You lifted me up

And threw me down

I was your everything

Then I was nothing.

-meaghan-

I'l admit I'm scared.

I still have to go and buy all my new stuff.
I have to get supplies and clothes, and get my hair done. I cant believe summers almost over, I'm gonna die, i hate getting ready to go back to school.

All school is, is going there everyday trying to impress people that honestly couldnt care less about who you are. Most of the people there give you no choice, you just have to be a part of it. I cant lie, I take part in all the classic shit that goes on in highschool. I'm not gonna be one of those people that hates highschool for what it does to you, I personally wouldnt be me if it wasnt for highschool. Some people might say thats bad but whatever, I'm happy with what its done to me. Some people might think that I'm stuck up and very shallow, and i admit when it comes to certain things and certain people, I'm gonna be the bigest bitch you've ever met, and I'm proud of it.

Highschools bad and good in some ways. So I'll deal with it for another two years and then get out and forget about all of it.

It's fuckin scary though, honestly. Highschool kills.

La Ronde!!

Funnest day this summer.
Going to La ronde with alyssa, wow such an adventure.
First we started off by being late because the car wouldnt start for tehm and then they finally came to pick me up. Then when we got there it was so fun we got on about 5 rides before lunch, and then we ate. Haha, but then it started to rain, and we made the best of it, we danced in the rain for a bit and changed obviously because we were soaked :P Then we lined up for another ride and it tok so long, and then it started to rain super hard so the rides got shut down, and we sat there waiting for a long time, and finally we decided to leave and go eat somewhere.

So we started to drive home, and we were almost to Ottawa when we see this sketchy little diner in hte middle of no where, and we stop :P We go in and its the nastiest looking place ever, but we stay anyways. We get our food and by this point were already pissing ourselves laughing over how ridiculous this place is.

So we get our food and alyssa looks down and theres a huge black hair on he pickle on hte side of her plate, haha so she tells the lady and the lady looks quickly at all of us, and then snatches the pickle up raelly fast, not the whole plate, just hte pickle and walks off like nothing happened. So then we spend the rest of the time eating the non hairy food we got, and laughing our asses off over how discusting this place is.

Oh god it was so funny. Finally we got home and we realized how ridiculously unlucky our whole day was :P but still crazy fun.

We're going back soon :P

<3

What is wrong with me!

I chickened out!
Can you believe that?! I was so close to going out with a really nice guy and me being the stupid fag that i am, texted him and said i didnt feel like hanging out today!

I did feel like hanging out but then my boring dull shy self took over and all of a sudden didnt want to anymore. How gay am I right. Wow, someone give me some advice, please??

I wanna go barry my self alive, that would probably feel much better then this right now. How do people do it, how do they just have the confidence to talk to anyone or say anything! Seriously maleehas right i have issues, like major weird fucked up issues. I'm making it harder then it should be!

Ughhhhh, wow i wanna know what its like to be confident, then maybe I'd be able to do it more.

Life friggin sucks.

PS. oh yeah chitra you can be my man :P love you hunny<3

PPS. someone come shoot me.

It's always me, never them.

I'm always the one who turns a perfectly good moment into the nightmare of every girls life.

So picture a guy asks you out, and he's decent right because lets face it no one asks for perfect these days. So you finally go out with this guy and everything just starts going down hill, your being the akward shy person you are, and him being no better then you at the whole conversation thing, everything just turns to mush. Every conversation he starts having with you, you ended it with out even realizing what a fag you were being. It really sucks because you can tell he wants it to work and for some reason you cant get your toung to work.

So finally your sitting in the movie, and you are hardly concentrating on the screan because you cant stop thinking of how horrible the bus ride over was, and also your thinking, wow he must hate me for not talking. Then you feel his hand brush by your arm and now you couldnt possibly care about what was on the screan. All of a sudden, the movies over and nothing happened, some part of you wants it to start all over again so you can change every last second, but the other part of you just wants to get the hell out of there and go home and shove your face in your pillow until you die.

Thats the story of my life, every chance i get to actually start something with a guy, it gets crushed because I'm such a complete udder freak when it comes to talking. Poeple look at me and think wow she looks like a snobby bitch, but that shows how wrong people can be. I am the shyest person you will ever meet, when it comes to certain things. When I'm one on one with a guy, a huge part of me takes over and i literally want to go find a deep dark whole and barry myself in it, rather then talk to that guy.

Why do i find it so hard, its no big deal right? Wrong, so so wrong. I use to be the ugliest person ever, not even exaduating, i was hideous. I had greasy long hair, wore no makeup at all, wore close that screamed "look at the looser" and to top it off i had just moved to texas and people couldnt have hated me more there. And the level of quiet i am now, is nothing compared to what i was like then. I was so quiet, even when the teacher asked me a question infront of the class i wouldnt say anything, i would just shake my head no. Can you believe that, i was beyond discusting to look at and when I did talk people would be shocked and say, " wow who knew she could talk :S" I went the whole two years that i lived there speaking as little as possible.

I guess i never got over it. So now its just really hard for me to face the fact that maybe someone really wants to talk to me. I suppose one day I'l change and be able to talk when ever i feel like it, but not today.

I need it to happen by tomorrow, but theres really not a good chance of that hapening, so tomorrow I'll be going out on another confidence ruining outing with a guy that might or might not care that I'm mentally challenged when it comes to talking.

Oh well, maybe I'll die before tomorrow so i dont have to go through with it.

I can hope, cant I.

Wish me luck.