Oh well, life is life after all.

I'm sitting here watching, what i think is one of the best movies I've seen, A walk to Remember. It's such an amazingly ordinary movie, and that's what makes it good. Theres nothing fantastically different about it, but its so entertaining to watch. It's a very sad movie though.

I love watching a movie and then crying over how you feel when you watch a movie like this, i know weird. Then again we all have to admit we love a good cry every once in a while. Its better to be able to cry at a problem you see in a movie or on TV, because its not your problem you have to worry about.

I'm sitting here balling my eyes out and it feels great because for once its not because of something stupid in my own life. I love this movie.

"do you love me?"
"mhmm"
"will you do something for me?"
"mhmm"
"will you marry me?"

ooh best part in the whole movie :)

Oh well life is life after all. We all get over it and move on. I personally think we all need to get over ourselves in order to actually be able to live and more so live in each others lives. I mean how are you suppose to open up and have someone be there with you if you close yourself off and think that you are better off alone. It's obvious that you not better off alone, everyone needs someone.

I think people should go out and be prepared to get hurt, yes I'm cynical so what! I believe if you go out thinking you'l be hurt and your very much ready for it, then when it does happen then your like, oh well i saw that coming. I like to do this, its my new way of looking at the world. Yes i realize that it will still hurt somewhat, but atleast you saw it coming and it didnt take you by surprise. I know, your thinking stupid idea, but what ever, i like the sound of it, and until it fails me i'l stick to it.

Me, fiana, San, and maleeha did this crazy funny thing yesterday, where we let go of some stuff. Thats really all i cn tell you about our "thing" we did. It was nice though, and helpful i think. We all jsut let go of certain bad incidence that have occured. I personally had just a few big ones that had been bothering me, things like bad relaitions and such, bu that is all behind me now and I feel releived. We'll just have to wait and see if our "thing" worked. I really hope it did, i'd rather not replay the last couple of years.

oh well tomorrows coming and yesterdays gone :)

decisions, decisions, decisions!

I'm painting my room soon, but i cant decide what colour i want. First i wanted a red right and i was dead set on read, so we went to buy it but the guy said it was gonna be really hard because you need a primer and then three cotes of paint, which my mom wasnt about to do. So then i decided, maybe a really bright purple would look nice because i have a white comfitter. Then i kept looking at all the colours, and then i got really confused, so i just grabbed a bunch of colours. I now have a decision to make, and i hate making decision, especially ones you cant really just up and change after.

Change isn't a bad thing, I just dont like having to decide on the change. To make the decision is very troubling and a real problem if your like me and take forever to make one little decision. I hate that, how it takes forever and then once you do decide on something, you have to really think and then during all that thinking you end up changing your mind. It sucks. What ever, I'll end up making a decision sooner or later, most likely later.

yes, so today should be fun, I'm going over to maleehas along with fiana and san, we're having a frisky four night of fun. For the four of us that means doing ridiculous things and acting like five year-olds :) which is always exciting. Before that me, fiana, and maleeha are going to the library so we can be bigger losers then before. We're going there around 4 and then we're all going over to maleehas and 7-ish. I'm more excited for what we're going to eat because Mrs. Ghani is cooking for us, and her cooking is amazing! Also tonight is going to be the first sleep over of the summer, which is big because knowing me and maleeha and how i practically lived at her hosue last summer, there will be many more sleep overs.

Maleeha and fiana also have some really weird thing planned, but i think we're suppose to keep it a secret so I'l find out first if if I'm aloud to tell the world about it. Even with all our weird-ness this should be a very good night. Then again it always is when it's the four of us.

I'l tell all about it probably in my next blog :)

Just another day,

I'm not forgetting you I'm just choosing to let you go.

I hate when your waiting for something to change and just waiting and waiting and the one thing that you want so bad you just cant get it to reach your expectations. I know, maybe its not right to have expectations for someone or something that you know are just going to disappoint you in the end. Well thats over and done with and that one person that i was always disappointed with is no longer going to be a factor in my life :) I decided this because i figured all he will ever be to me is a huge disappointment.

Yes well, on a more up beat note, I spent a lovely day being fat and lazy with maleeha and fiana today :) My day started off with a doctors appointment which was very ackward and uncalled for, but anyway. Then after that i came home to a house that was not actually my house at the moment, it had been taken over by my pot head of a sister and her discusting greasy dirty boyfriend! Well i couldnt take that, so after spazzing out at my mother for allowing this trash in my house she had the nerve to tell me she had to go and do some things. So i could not take this so then i told her very loudly that i was going to maleehas. Then she tells me she has to leave right now, so i decided that the stupid bitch could leave and i didnt care, and then i ended up walking the 10 minutes to maleehas which wasnt so bad.

My day only got better from there though. When i got to maleehas she was in bed so i sat there till she decided to get up and move for the first time in two day s, haha. Once she did get up we went down stairs and decided to order food, not with permission though, miss ghani had told maleeha before i got there that we werent alowed to order food :) we still did obviously. Then of course you can never order food without fiana because she is as most know the king of eating, yes the king. So we called her and she came over and after waiting anciously for our 35 dollars worth of pizza pizza, we ate and ate and ate some more. Then finally we couldnt force ourselves to eat anymore, and right at our exploding moment Chitra, maleehas sister, and my one true love ;) comes walking through the door to save us from ourselves. She ate some then when finally most of it was gone me and Chitra had to dispose of the evidence, but how we did that little crime is a secret :P wel from everyone else but some random guy that saw us do it.

After eating we started watching a really dumb movie called Mama's boy, stupidest choice ever. We watched it p until there was like 10 minutes left then decided to turn it off before we got so bored we killed ourselves. We then proceeded up stairs where we laid dead on maleehas bed talking on the phone with san for like 2 hours, which is not a long time seeing as we do this all the time.

Oh just another day as the Frisky Four.

Fun night at Taylor's!

We started off kinda bad though because we got lost trying to find her house, which wasnt surprising seeing as my mother was driving and it was only me, maleeha, and fiana in the car.

None the less we eventually got there, and obviously started eating right away, but vegetables so it wasnt to bad, haha. Then we went down to the pool and after a while of just having our feet in the water, we got in and had a little to much fun with these things that skwirted water out of them, so much fun.

Also maleeha and fiana didnt really know how to swim so we tryed teaching them, and maleeha caught on really fast and was swimming like a little fishy all over the place, but i cant really say the same for fiana, she kinda had some trouble with the whole moving around factor. She couldnt stay floating long enought o actually get going which was quite funny to watch.

After swimming was over we sat and had delicious chocolate cake. oh how i love my chocolate. and then we went for a lovely but very intence walk. It was only intence because of two things, one because maleeha slipped and hit her tail bone which was very scary because she's my little brownie and my heart literally stopped for the minute she was on the ground. Second reason it was an intence walk was because on our way back it got really dark out and it was qhite heart stopping as well :P

All in all a very fun night with the girls.

Why would you think this.

I'm not snobby,
I'm not self absorbed,
and I dont get everything I want.

What ever happened, I wonder.

Do you ever just want to let go of everything, you know like everyone and everything in your life? It's harder then it sounds, I know some people are sometimes like, " oh it'll make everything so much easier" but will it really. Think about it if you were to forget everything then where would you be? how would you know to move on? how would the people around you know you were moving on?

Personally I'm one of those people who really badly wants to forget everything and especially everyone. I know it will never happen but truly its just nice to dream, and it is a dream of mine. Maybe not to forget everyone, there is a select few i wouldn't really want to forget, but the rest of them who needs them, who needs the drama, the confusion, and all the days you wish you didn't have them.

The people i wish i could forget are all my past heart aches obviously, and very badly i wish i could forget my sister, i know harsh and all but the person she's becoming isn't worth knowing. The person she was, now there is a person you wouldn't want to forget. She was someone you couldn't not want to know, everyone who knew her was instantly in love with her, unless you were stupid and didn't know what was standing in front of you, like some of the little sluts at our school.

She had a personality that you wanted, a look that you would do anything to have, and a mind you envied. I was jelous of the person she was, not like an 'i hate you' sort of jelous, but an 'i love everything you are' sort of jelous. Then in less then a year that whole outlook, that whole being was completely altered by one small thing. Well i guess it was a few small things. She went from being adored and practicly worshipped, to being someone you looked at as worthless and trashy. Again, i know harsh, but so true. She turned into a girl you would look at and say, "What the hell happened to her?" and that perseption of her was all based on something that truely no one could stop because she chose ever wrong thing she was doing to herself. The drugs, the bad friends, and what ever else she wasnt willing to tell me.

I was her wall! I was the thing that alwasy protected her. I was that one person she went to for everything! I knew her like no one else knew her. I was there when no one else was. I was willing to help her even though she didnt want me to. I still protect her even when shes not here to protect. I stand up for her when really theres nothing to stand up for anymore. I still love her, no matter what happens, we still talk and we still tell eachother we love eachother. When really deep down inside of me i want to only remember the old her and i am trying really hard to forget her as she is now.

I say all this and i mean it all, but i am saying it because i am her sister and i love her and know her. People out there who think they know her and think they can say things about her are so very very wrong. There are some people in her life that i would love to erase off the whole fucking earth! then there are people that once knew her, that think they can say things about her, but you can't because you no longer know her and you need to stay the fuck out of her buisness.

ok thats all i have to say.

What the hell do people want?!

How do i describe myself today?
I have no idea what you call what I'm currently feeling!
It's like I wanna go jump off a fucking building, and whats really stupid about the whole thing is I have absolutely no idea why. It might be because i had a really ugly day, not meaning that it was boring or anything. You know when you have a day and you feel like the worlds coming to a screaming hault. You hate everything about yourself. You think everyone else hates averything about you. Then to top it off its fucking raining out.

I'm breaking out with pimples all over my face and I'm trying to loose weight, but thats not going anywhere fast. I feel like ripping every sdrand of hair right out of my head for no aparent reason, and todays the first day of summer and I'm sitting at home feeling like shit.

Some days life is great you know, you feel good, your hair looks nice, your having fun, and it just happens to be sunny outside. Other days, lifes like a fucking tornado and your sitting in the middle of it just waiting for it to be over so you can stop spinning.

You cry and you cry after a day like this but you sit there and your only crying more because no matter what you do you cant really decide why your crying.

It sucks, it really does.