What ever happened, I wonder.

Do you ever just want to let go of everything, you know like everyone and everything in your life? It's harder then it sounds, I know some people are sometimes like, " oh it'll make everything so much easier" but will it really. Think about it if you were to forget everything then where would you be? how would you know to move on? how would the people around you know you were moving on?

Personally I'm one of those people who really badly wants to forget everything and especially everyone. I know it will never happen but truly its just nice to dream, and it is a dream of mine. Maybe not to forget everyone, there is a select few i wouldn't really want to forget, but the rest of them who needs them, who needs the drama, the confusion, and all the days you wish you didn't have them.

The people i wish i could forget are all my past heart aches obviously, and very badly i wish i could forget my sister, i know harsh and all but the person she's becoming isn't worth knowing. The person she was, now there is a person you wouldn't want to forget. She was someone you couldn't not want to know, everyone who knew her was instantly in love with her, unless you were stupid and didn't know what was standing in front of you, like some of the little sluts at our school.

She had a personality that you wanted, a look that you would do anything to have, and a mind you envied. I was jelous of the person she was, not like an 'i hate you' sort of jelous, but an 'i love everything you are' sort of jelous. Then in less then a year that whole outlook, that whole being was completely altered by one small thing. Well i guess it was a few small things. She went from being adored and practicly worshipped, to being someone you looked at as worthless and trashy. Again, i know harsh, but so true. She turned into a girl you would look at and say, "What the hell happened to her?" and that perseption of her was all based on something that truely no one could stop because she chose ever wrong thing she was doing to herself. The drugs, the bad friends, and what ever else she wasnt willing to tell me.

I was her wall! I was the thing that alwasy protected her. I was that one person she went to for everything! I knew her like no one else knew her. I was there when no one else was. I was willing to help her even though she didnt want me to. I still protect her even when shes not here to protect. I stand up for her when really theres nothing to stand up for anymore. I still love her, no matter what happens, we still talk and we still tell eachother we love eachother. When really deep down inside of me i want to only remember the old her and i am trying really hard to forget her as she is now.

I say all this and i mean it all, but i am saying it because i am her sister and i love her and know her. People out there who think they know her and think they can say things about her are so very very wrong. There are some people in her life that i would love to erase off the whole fucking earth! then there are people that once knew her, that think they can say things about her, but you can't because you no longer know her and you need to stay the fuck out of her buisness.

ok thats all i have to say.