Oh well, life is life after all.

I'm sitting here watching, what i think is one of the best movies I've seen, A walk to Remember. It's such an amazingly ordinary movie, and that's what makes it good. Theres nothing fantastically different about it, but its so entertaining to watch. It's a very sad movie though.

I love watching a movie and then crying over how you feel when you watch a movie like this, i know weird. Then again we all have to admit we love a good cry every once in a while. Its better to be able to cry at a problem you see in a movie or on TV, because its not your problem you have to worry about.

I'm sitting here balling my eyes out and it feels great because for once its not because of something stupid in my own life. I love this movie.

"do you love me?"
"mhmm"
"will you do something for me?"
"mhmm"
"will you marry me?"

ooh best part in the whole movie :)

Oh well life is life after all. We all get over it and move on. I personally think we all need to get over ourselves in order to actually be able to live and more so live in each others lives. I mean how are you suppose to open up and have someone be there with you if you close yourself off and think that you are better off alone. It's obvious that you not better off alone, everyone needs someone.

I think people should go out and be prepared to get hurt, yes I'm cynical so what! I believe if you go out thinking you'l be hurt and your very much ready for it, then when it does happen then your like, oh well i saw that coming. I like to do this, its my new way of looking at the world. Yes i realize that it will still hurt somewhat, but atleast you saw it coming and it didnt take you by surprise. I know, your thinking stupid idea, but what ever, i like the sound of it, and until it fails me i'l stick to it.

Me, fiana, San, and maleeha did this crazy funny thing yesterday, where we let go of some stuff. Thats really all i cn tell you about our "thing" we did. It was nice though, and helpful i think. We all jsut let go of certain bad incidence that have occured. I personally had just a few big ones that had been bothering me, things like bad relaitions and such, bu that is all behind me now and I feel releived. We'll just have to wait and see if our "thing" worked. I really hope it did, i'd rather not replay the last couple of years.

oh well tomorrows coming and yesterdays gone :)

decisions, decisions, decisions!

I'm painting my room soon, but i cant decide what colour i want. First i wanted a red right and i was dead set on read, so we went to buy it but the guy said it was gonna be really hard because you need a primer and then three cotes of paint, which my mom wasnt about to do. So then i decided, maybe a really bright purple would look nice because i have a white comfitter. Then i kept looking at all the colours, and then i got really confused, so i just grabbed a bunch of colours. I now have a decision to make, and i hate making decision, especially ones you cant really just up and change after.

Change isn't a bad thing, I just dont like having to decide on the change. To make the decision is very troubling and a real problem if your like me and take forever to make one little decision. I hate that, how it takes forever and then once you do decide on something, you have to really think and then during all that thinking you end up changing your mind. It sucks. What ever, I'll end up making a decision sooner or later, most likely later.

yes, so today should be fun, I'm going over to maleehas along with fiana and san, we're having a frisky four night of fun. For the four of us that means doing ridiculous things and acting like five year-olds :) which is always exciting. Before that me, fiana, and maleeha are going to the library so we can be bigger losers then before. We're going there around 4 and then we're all going over to maleehas and 7-ish. I'm more excited for what we're going to eat because Mrs. Ghani is cooking for us, and her cooking is amazing! Also tonight is going to be the first sleep over of the summer, which is big because knowing me and maleeha and how i practically lived at her hosue last summer, there will be many more sleep overs.

Maleeha and fiana also have some really weird thing planned, but i think we're suppose to keep it a secret so I'l find out first if if I'm aloud to tell the world about it. Even with all our weird-ness this should be a very good night. Then again it always is when it's the four of us.

I'l tell all about it probably in my next blog :)

Just another day,

I'm not forgetting you I'm just choosing to let you go.

I hate when your waiting for something to change and just waiting and waiting and the one thing that you want so bad you just cant get it to reach your expectations. I know, maybe its not right to have expectations for someone or something that you know are just going to disappoint you in the end. Well thats over and done with and that one person that i was always disappointed with is no longer going to be a factor in my life :) I decided this because i figured all he will ever be to me is a huge disappointment.

Yes well, on a more up beat note, I spent a lovely day being fat and lazy with maleeha and fiana today :) My day started off with a doctors appointment which was very ackward and uncalled for, but anyway. Then after that i came home to a house that was not actually my house at the moment, it had been taken over by my pot head of a sister and her discusting greasy dirty boyfriend! Well i couldnt take that, so after spazzing out at my mother for allowing this trash in my house she had the nerve to tell me she had to go and do some things. So i could not take this so then i told her very loudly that i was going to maleehas. Then she tells me she has to leave right now, so i decided that the stupid bitch could leave and i didnt care, and then i ended up walking the 10 minutes to maleehas which wasnt so bad.

My day only got better from there though. When i got to maleehas she was in bed so i sat there till she decided to get up and move for the first time in two day s, haha. Once she did get up we went down stairs and decided to order food, not with permission though, miss ghani had told maleeha before i got there that we werent alowed to order food :) we still did obviously. Then of course you can never order food without fiana because she is as most know the king of eating, yes the king. So we called her and she came over and after waiting anciously for our 35 dollars worth of pizza pizza, we ate and ate and ate some more. Then finally we couldnt force ourselves to eat anymore, and right at our exploding moment Chitra, maleehas sister, and my one true love ;) comes walking through the door to save us from ourselves. She ate some then when finally most of it was gone me and Chitra had to dispose of the evidence, but how we did that little crime is a secret :P wel from everyone else but some random guy that saw us do it.

After eating we started watching a really dumb movie called Mama's boy, stupidest choice ever. We watched it p until there was like 10 minutes left then decided to turn it off before we got so bored we killed ourselves. We then proceeded up stairs where we laid dead on maleehas bed talking on the phone with san for like 2 hours, which is not a long time seeing as we do this all the time.

Oh just another day as the Frisky Four.

Fun night at Taylor's!

We started off kinda bad though because we got lost trying to find her house, which wasnt surprising seeing as my mother was driving and it was only me, maleeha, and fiana in the car.

None the less we eventually got there, and obviously started eating right away, but vegetables so it wasnt to bad, haha. Then we went down to the pool and after a while of just having our feet in the water, we got in and had a little to much fun with these things that skwirted water out of them, so much fun.

Also maleeha and fiana didnt really know how to swim so we tryed teaching them, and maleeha caught on really fast and was swimming like a little fishy all over the place, but i cant really say the same for fiana, she kinda had some trouble with the whole moving around factor. She couldnt stay floating long enought o actually get going which was quite funny to watch.

After swimming was over we sat and had delicious chocolate cake. oh how i love my chocolate. and then we went for a lovely but very intence walk. It was only intence because of two things, one because maleeha slipped and hit her tail bone which was very scary because she's my little brownie and my heart literally stopped for the minute she was on the ground. Second reason it was an intence walk was because on our way back it got really dark out and it was qhite heart stopping as well :P

All in all a very fun night with the girls.

Why would you think this.

I'm not snobby,
I'm not self absorbed,
and I dont get everything I want.

What ever happened, I wonder.

Do you ever just want to let go of everything, you know like everyone and everything in your life? It's harder then it sounds, I know some people are sometimes like, " oh it'll make everything so much easier" but will it really. Think about it if you were to forget everything then where would you be? how would you know to move on? how would the people around you know you were moving on?

Personally I'm one of those people who really badly wants to forget everything and especially everyone. I know it will never happen but truly its just nice to dream, and it is a dream of mine. Maybe not to forget everyone, there is a select few i wouldn't really want to forget, but the rest of them who needs them, who needs the drama, the confusion, and all the days you wish you didn't have them.

The people i wish i could forget are all my past heart aches obviously, and very badly i wish i could forget my sister, i know harsh and all but the person she's becoming isn't worth knowing. The person she was, now there is a person you wouldn't want to forget. She was someone you couldn't not want to know, everyone who knew her was instantly in love with her, unless you were stupid and didn't know what was standing in front of you, like some of the little sluts at our school.

She had a personality that you wanted, a look that you would do anything to have, and a mind you envied. I was jelous of the person she was, not like an 'i hate you' sort of jelous, but an 'i love everything you are' sort of jelous. Then in less then a year that whole outlook, that whole being was completely altered by one small thing. Well i guess it was a few small things. She went from being adored and practicly worshipped, to being someone you looked at as worthless and trashy. Again, i know harsh, but so true. She turned into a girl you would look at and say, "What the hell happened to her?" and that perseption of her was all based on something that truely no one could stop because she chose ever wrong thing she was doing to herself. The drugs, the bad friends, and what ever else she wasnt willing to tell me.

I was her wall! I was the thing that alwasy protected her. I was that one person she went to for everything! I knew her like no one else knew her. I was there when no one else was. I was willing to help her even though she didnt want me to. I still protect her even when shes not here to protect. I stand up for her when really theres nothing to stand up for anymore. I still love her, no matter what happens, we still talk and we still tell eachother we love eachother. When really deep down inside of me i want to only remember the old her and i am trying really hard to forget her as she is now.

I say all this and i mean it all, but i am saying it because i am her sister and i love her and know her. People out there who think they know her and think they can say things about her are so very very wrong. There are some people in her life that i would love to erase off the whole fucking earth! then there are people that once knew her, that think they can say things about her, but you can't because you no longer know her and you need to stay the fuck out of her buisness.

ok thats all i have to say.

What the hell do people want?!

How do i describe myself today?
I have no idea what you call what I'm currently feeling!
It's like I wanna go jump off a fucking building, and whats really stupid about the whole thing is I have absolutely no idea why. It might be because i had a really ugly day, not meaning that it was boring or anything. You know when you have a day and you feel like the worlds coming to a screaming hault. You hate everything about yourself. You think everyone else hates averything about you. Then to top it off its fucking raining out.

I'm breaking out with pimples all over my face and I'm trying to loose weight, but thats not going anywhere fast. I feel like ripping every sdrand of hair right out of my head for no aparent reason, and todays the first day of summer and I'm sitting at home feeling like shit.

Some days life is great you know, you feel good, your hair looks nice, your having fun, and it just happens to be sunny outside. Other days, lifes like a fucking tornado and your sitting in the middle of it just waiting for it to be over so you can stop spinning.

You cry and you cry after a day like this but you sit there and your only crying more because no matter what you do you cant really decide why your crying.

It sucks, it really does.

Hug you?! What the hell for!

Isn't it so akward when relatives come over and then when you see them your parents are just like say hello to your aunt and uncle, and they abviously mean give them a big hug. It's the most uncomfortable thing in the world, because you know you haven't seen them in a while, so when you go to hug them your just like akwardly putting your arms around this person you haven't seen in like a year. I personally hate every moment of it.

Then your forced to sit down and endure all teh same questions your asked everytime you see relatives, "oh darling how old are you know?" "what grade are you in?" "oh anyone special now?" "how are your grades?" oh look how big you've gotten" Then your just sitting there and obviously you cant just get up and walk away, but deep down inside your just saying to yourself how much you just want these people to shut the hell up and let you sit there in peace, cuz thats torture in its self. Well the good thing is there only here for the night, then I dont have to walk around on egg shells hoping I dont get asked to sit down again.

On a morte enjoyable topic, i took my math exam today which wasnt to bad, and then i have my english one tomorrow then I'm done and i can start having my summer fun. Today was so fun after my exam was over I went to a movie with fiana, we saw Dont mess with the Zohan, funniest movie ever! We laughed so much, and it was so funny because fiana wouldnt get it at first or she would still be thinking about what was funny that happened like 10 minutes ago, so then randomly during a non funny scene all you could here was fiana laughing really loud in this high pitch sound, so funny. All in all a very good start to the summer.

My summer is starting off very eventful, me, fiana, maleeha, and san have alot planned because fiana is leaving in early July to go to texas, yeah I know lucky, so we have to cram the stuff we really want to do in the few weeks we have before she leaves us. But yeah, i cant wait because this weekend I have my friend taylors birthday party to go to which should be really fun, shes having a bbq and shes got a pool. Then after that we've got some little things we want to do that should be really exciting, but what I'm really looking forward to is Canada day, a bunch of us are gonna get some stuff to drink and we're going down to parliment and mybe some other places too, thats gonna be one fun night. After that my summer is gonna slow down a little i guess because thats when fianas leaving and san and maleeha are starting there co-ops. Then theres me, you know not doing anything productive. I think I might try to get a job, but really who wants to do that all summer, boring!

I'll hand out some resumes i guess, you know when and if i get around to it. Dont get me wrong I'm not a lazy person really, i just dont like thinking of the idea of spending my beautiful sunny summer stuck in some fast food restaurant or in sone grocery store dealing with annoying discusting people.

I also decided with maleeha that we're going to bike alot this summer because bikings good for you and we both hate our bodies, so biking helps you loose weight. Its our goal for the summer she wants to tone up her stomach and i want to tone up everything else. I also want to try different styles with my hair because i can never do that during school. I always like waiting for the summer if i want to change something because if you do it during school and something goes wrong then you have to deal with it and walk around school looking liek that infront of everyone till you get a chance to fix it.

I know everyone waits for the summer to be here, but when summers over its just as exciting as when it ends because your getting all ready to go back to school and you get to shop and get new binders and pencils and stuff, i know i sound like a huge loser, but we all know its fun when you get to start writing on new paper and its like that first peice of paper in your binder and your trying to keep your writing all neet and you know that its never gonna happen but atleast the first note looks good.

Well thats all I have to say for write now

Have a good day!

Life goes on, right.

who does he think he is, how can he control my heart if i didnt fucking give him permission to! why cant he understand that i just want him to see that I'm still right here, and he still has my heart and i want him to take care of it or give it back.

Some guys are really stupid, they can't see whats really good right infront of them, they would rather work really hard for the shitty nothing. I mean why is that so hard, if a girl that you once liked is right there telling you that she wants you, how hard is it to want her to.

I have a problem with one guy and only one fucking guy, he is the most annoying, wonderful, sensitive, jerk I know, but i like him so much. He has been in my life for about a year, and we went through some rough patches where he basicly took my heart and stomped on it, but no matter how many times he tore me apart i still wanted him. why is that? why do you always want the guy you cant have!

He was always right there when i needed him, but then when ever i wanted him he was never avalable. I want him to realize that i am still here and I still want him and until i get him I'm not gonna stop wanting him. Whats wrong with wanting somthing you cant have? I'l tell you, it kills you until you get it, you cant help but only think about that 24/7 non-stop

We've hooked up before and yeah thats great and all, buta thats all i do, i usually just hook up with a guy then im over t. But with him it was so different, after i hooked up with him i just kept wanting him. He kept not wanting me. Everytime i told him i wanted him, he told me that he didnt want to keep hurting me so he didnt want to take the chance of being with me. So, we never went any further, so even though he was trying to avoid hurting me he was hurting me worse then he could have ever hurt me.

I still like him now, but i think now its more of me just wanting him because i never got him before. He's now just a thought that comes along every once in a while, and i guess one day I'll not want him as much.

On a more happy note i can not wait for summer to start, so i can get on with my life and start doing all the stupid stuff i like to do, like drink, drink, and then maybe drink some more. Thats how my life goes on, i have fun and forget things fast.

I also love to spend time with three amazing girls, maleeha, fiana, and san. the greatest people i know, they dont lways do the right thing but thats why i love them so much, and there perfectly perfect for me. They are the funniest, smartest, prettiest people i know and they know exactly how how i feel and when somethings wrong. Maleeha is my everything girl, she can pretty much read my mind and its creepy but amazing t know that when i cant think straight she can. Fiana is my funny be happy girl that can make me smile no matter what is going on and can be there for me when ever i need someone to be myself with. San is my go to girl, when i want someone to listen and i just need to sit and talk for no aparent reason thats when my little sunshine shows up. If i didnt have them, my life would be pretty much pointless :)

Love you guys<3

If only it could be;

For you that don't know, I am a huge super hero fan.
Not so much comic book reading, but i hold my breath everytime
a new super hero movie comes out! I think there incredible to watch.
I let my imagination run off with me on those ones, and when I'm in the theatre
i actually can feel my heart racing. I know, i have loser written on my fore head,
but i cant help it theres just something about a good action movie
that makes me exstatic.

You know what I'm talking about, movies like
superman, spiderman, batman, fantastic four, iron man, and the newest one the hulk.
i just saw the hulk and i gotta say, they out did themselves on that one!
The special effects were absolutly insane, and the acting, best yet.

I also love movies like harry potter, lord of the ring,
war of the worlds, 300, 10000 BC, the day after tomorrow,
all clasic movies. Really anything with action in it is worth watching,
by my standards.

I guess I'm weird, but i just find when I'm in watching a movie like that
and you just never want it to be over becuase it is just a movie,
and when it finally is over, reality is never good enough. When its over
and you see the credits appear on the screan, something dies inside you,
like more then anything you just want that movie to keep going,
that fantasy, that little peice of fiction you loose everytime it ends.

i don't know maybe its just me but, I would choose the movies over reality any day,
but you cant. You have to walk out of that theatre and relize to your self that
it was just a movie and it does end after that 2 hours of excitement.

You think to yourself, how glamourous it must be,
how truly unbelievable the feeling would be if all of it were reality.

But then I guess if the movies were reality where would that leave us.
Would we be forever wishing we had our normal average lifes back,
would we want it to go back to being that couple of hours of excitemant?
Maybe it would be to much for the average man to handle on a daily basis.
Maybe we're better off being normal. I guess not everyones normal though,
maybe we take our normal for granted. Other people somewhere else in the world
probably look at our normal and think its like the movies, in a sence.

Really though, when you sit down and watch a movie like The Hulk,
its so far fetched, that you think to yourself it could never actually happen,
so why not imagine if it did, what would it be like? how would it effect
our average none exciting lives? i personally think no one living in our time
would ever know what to do, or how to go about handling it.
amazing to think about and maybe in a hundered years it might be
what people call reality, but for right now i guess I'm glad that excitement
only last for 2 hours at a time.

Who ever comes up with the ideas for some of these movies, is my hero.
They are incredible concepts to think about, you never really grasp the idea though.
All moves are fantastic, action, drama, romance, thriller, fantasy, horror, scifi.
Movies in general are incredible, the thought that goes into them, the tideous planning
and the excillent acting, all gtreat aspects of a perfet movie.

well as you read in that I'm a huge movie geek,
but i love every second of it, it's not reality so theres a lot to love about it.

anythings better then reality, we all know that.

goodnight.

What is there to do?

Once again I am home alone, it happens a lot because my mom works now and my dad is either working or gone for some reason. Oh, and then there is my sister, hard to describe her really, she's never home because she's either at her boyfriends or out doing drugs. Yes, my sister is a pot head, but that's a blog in its own.

I hate being home alone, i mean its not so bad on weekdays because i don't get home until 4, but on weekends its so ridiculously boring. I know i could get up and take the bus somewhere but i don't like taking the bus alone so i try not to. The worst thing about today is my mom is gone on a business trip and my dad told me last night to call him in the morning, and guess what, I've been calling and calling but no answer.

I think that's really hypocritical because when we go out all parents say to their kids, "now you call me to check in all the time" and if they cant reach you then we get in trouble and they tell us whats the use of us having a cell phone if we're not gonna pick it up. Then they go out and tell you to call them, and you try and try and cant get a hold of them, but they come up with some stupid excuse that makes it seem like you just chose a bad time to call. They dont let us make up excuses, we jsut get our cell phones taken away for a bit.

Well i personally hate staying home alone. Alot of people say they love when no one is home because they can do what ever they want, but i bet when they are finally home alone they cant think of anything they want to do. Thats how I am, i mean you think somethings going to be fine but then when your stuck doing it, you dont think its that amusing anymore.

I guess i do find one thing i do when im home alone that is fun, and really can't be done when people are home. I liek to sit in my underwear and walk around the house like that. Its extremely relaxing. Its like you feel you can do it because you have this knew found freedom.
thats basically the only fun thing i think there is to do when your alone.

If you haven't tryed it yet, then i suggest you do it
theres nothing like running around in your underwear :)

how do they do it,

I dont understand how superstiton was created, I mean did one person just randomly start it or maybe people just kept having really bad experiences when crossed by a black cat, walked under a ladder, or passed a grave yard.

All those things are completely unrealistic, but still i am one of many that choose to spend my spare time believing in all of it. If you think about it, it is truely nonsence to believe in, and then again maybe it helps some people sleep at night.

I mean personally i feel much better when i hold my breath when driving by a grave yard, and picking up my feet as we go over rail road tracks. There little things that someone one day decided thats how it was going to be, and if you chose not to do these things you were going to have bad luck.

Well as all of you know today is a big one it's Friday the 13th, its a day when terrible things are suppose to occur. Personally i dread this day when it comes, not that i have a reason to, nuthing ever happens to me. That doesnt make a difference i still choose to believe in it because i figure it cant hurt to make sure nothing ever does happen, right?

On this day when someone says friday the 13th, i cross myself, you know like what people do when they walk into a church. Its hard though because my friends think its funny to go through the day saying it when ever they feel like it, so i go around looking like an idiot crossing myself every two seconds.

But today was better, i never told them it was friday the 13th, and they dont pay attention to things like that. So i had a very peaceful day, which was great considering the date.

I will continue to believe in these mysterious things because i believe that they had to have come from somewhere so at one point they had to have been true.

Thanks for reading,
stay safe until tomorow

First time for everything;

I decided it was time to start one of these things because my friends seem to use it alot. Some how i couldnt bring myself to do this sooner, dont ask me why. I'm not into sharing my life story with people, but i guess not everyone who reads this will know me. I'm writing this only because i watch my bestfriend write one everyday and I am very fond of it. She never thought i would ever start one because i kept telling her how annoying it would be to write one and im extremely lazy when it comes to sitting down and doing something.

I decided this was a way for me to tell people about me, but you know not really. I’m not good at doing things face to face, and not because I’m atrocious looking or anything. I just never was one to spill my guts to people about myself or people around me. For some reason, I’m much better at expressing myself in written words.

Sometimes it gets me into trouble because usually when I get into a fight with one of my friends, instead of talking to them, I send them an email stating how I feel about the situation. They personally hate when I do that, and to top it off I refuse to talk about it after.

When my best friend finds out I started a blog she’s going to be extremely surprised, but I’m going to let her figure it out on her own.

So yes, I decided I have a lot to say and this is an incredibly uncomplicated way to say it all.

Can’t wait to write another one!