Tonight my dad comes home.

Somehow i feel happy, but then somehow I'm also very angry. He doesn't realize how we're suffering. Yes we're happy that he's finally doing something that he's wanted for a really long time, but the longer he's gone the worse our lives become. Ever since he started leaving to go do his training my sister has gotten angrier and angrier. She's to the point where we don't even make it through a morning without her completely losing all self control.

My dads going to Afghanistan to fight a war, and we're staying here to fight our own war. That's what my home feels like now, a battle ground, and somehow my sister seems to be winning. She's controlling my mom, and I don't know how to retaliate. I have no where to hide. I come home and its hell, and then I go to school and despite how horrific being at home is, I think its better then being at school. When I go to school its like I'm fighting my way through the hallways, and i have to keep my head down in order to make it to my next class. I'm so afraid that if i raise my head up someone will have something to say and it will crush what i have left of my self esteem. I hate CW its terrifying no matter who you are. We have all these assemblies that tell people that bullying is bad and wont be tolerated. Where are all the teachers when kids are walking through the hallways and hearing negative comments directed at them.

I'm a very shy and unspoken person, so when someone says something in the halls that is about me, i don't have the guts to stand up for myself and say something, so for all the people out there like me, who's going to speak for us. Who's going to stop the rude comments and the harassment? I know that I'm going to remember high school as being a terrible, horrible place. If someone goes home every night and cries, then you know that something has to be done. I'm pretty sure that most high school students would agree, no one likes being taunted, and ridiculed. I'm talked about behind my back by older students that think they have the right to. They don't even know me! They talk about me because of my sister and because of things i did over a year ago now. I'm not the same person i was a year ago. I've changed for the better, but they wouldn't know that because their obviously stuck in the past and can't find anything better to talk about.

Some how i cant get over the fact that no matter what i say at this point, no matter how much i beg, the dreaded nine months are coming. The nine months that will change our lives. The nine months that will determine my sisters outcome. The nine months of pure horror. The nine months of loneliness.