Families for nothing.

I laid in bed as the phone rang at midnight.You answered it with such an angered voice, i swore it was who i thought it was. Only she, would dare to call that late, but maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Everytime that phone rings you know your heart sinks a little too. Who knows maybe one of these nights it wont be her, maybe one of these nights it will be that dreaded call you know will come.

You sit there and stare at me as if i have all the answers, but really you just want someone else to take control for once. What you dont understand is, I am just a teenager, and yes you can talk to me, but dont try to make it seem like i have to solve your problems.

She thinks she owns you, she stomps all over you, and the sad thing is you let her. It doesnt have to be that way, you could take back your life. What shes doing to herself is sickening, i know that, but who knows maybe she'll realize that soon. Maybe she'll understand how extremely heartbreaking this is for everyone around her to watch.

I wonder what goes through her mind as she grabs her next joint and lights it up. Is she thinking about us at all. I know you dont want to accept the fact that she is out there smoking, but the shocking reality is just that. I confront you sometimes and tell you what shes out there objecting herself to, but you look at me with such dought in your mind, doughting that i would actually know what shes doing. What you dont want to believe is I am the only one she still talks to. Even though i get mad at her and dont speak to her, you have to understand that its because shes my everything, without her i would be nothing. Its rather twisted to say seeing as shes nothing herself. She doesnt realize that without her here, so many other things are effected.

She thinks her world has to revolve around, her boyfriend, who's a highschool drop out that smokes weed everyday and sits at home doing nothing. I guess we're similar in that way, we both fall for the bad guys. She was already pretty bad before him, but when she started to hangout more and more with him she jsut got worse. Who knew she could even get worse. It's so much easier to blame our problems on someone else, but it doesnt make them go away, and it doesnt make anything any better, you still have a problem dont you.

I love you, and i love her, but when you both start screaming at eachother, no body can handle that! How do you expect a 15 year old girl to handle it. I dont think you understand that this whole thing is also hard on me. I feel bad that you have to put up with her like this, but dont you feel bad for me at all. I'm losing my sister and you choose to turn the other way. She looks to me for everything, she confides in me with all the things she gets caught up in, and she expects me to just sit there taking it all in like its nothing. It's something! Whats worse is she tells me not to tell anyone, so when you ask me to tell you, its just because all she has left is my trust, how can i ruin that.

You are my mother, but she is my sister after all.