What happens when you feel alone,

who's left to turn to, do u just end up going crazy and never ever have a normal feeling again. I think I'm going through something but I cant put my finger on it, so does that mean all my real feelings are gone. When you feel like no one wants to hear you cry anymore, whos left to listen. When you feel like no one wants to care anymore, honestly whos left. The people who couldnt care less whether you jumped off a cliff today or tomorrow, thats whos left. When you have something so important to talk about and it seems like no ones there to hold your hand and do nothing else but listen, what option does that leave you with.

Somethings bothering me and i want to tell someone so bad, but somehow to others it doesnt seem important. Somethings tearing my heart out and no one wants to be there to put it back in. Usually there are a few good ones i would tell, but lately they dont seem to want to pick my heart back up anymore. Have they forgotten that sometimes there the only ones that can put it in the right spot for me. Maybe I'm not a good friend anymore, maybe they dont want to hear my problems anymore. Maybe there finally sick of me, like everyone else ends up being. I spent the last day with someone who was not as important and it wasnt the same, it was like more then my heart was ripped out, and all i really needed was to know that i still had them.

The important thing that i have to tell them, they already know but i just want to know that there going to be there when i need them for the next nine months. It seems like they wont be, because i think I'm bothering them to much. Whats gonna happen if i dont have them, because i already know i dont have my sister or my mom for that matter.

And, in a couple days i will barely have my dad. After tuesday I will see him off and on until christmas, then after that i wont see him for nine months. I've been sitting here trying to imagine what it will be like, but i cant think of what it will be like because he's always just been there. Now when he's gone I'l wake up here knowing that he's going to be waking up in Afghanistan. I'll know that i cant reach out and comfort myself by having him right next to me. I'll think of him everyday and never be happy until i know he's next to me again.

Fight for your country. Who the fuck was stupid enough to come up with that shit!

God i wish the tears would stop!